Given the mean things I've said about baseball in the past, and given that it's the start of another dreary baseball season, it's only fair that I congratulate the commissioner for appointing an investigator to look into the two-decades-old steroid scandal. Besides the obvious eagerness with which the sport is moving to clean up its act, who wouldn't agree that there's no one more likely to conduct a thorough, unbiased investigation than a former U.S. Senator and current director of the Boston Red Sox? God knows, politicians are known for always telling it like it is.
I must also give baseball its props for proving that readers do appreciate numbers, as The New York Times shows in its online graphic on the evolution of the box score. The Times, however, didn't speculate on the box score's future. Here, then, are some enhancements I hope to be seeing soon:
- Inflated earnings per game
- The tedium ratio (cud chewing, tobacco juice spitting and crotch scratching divided by minutes played)
- The George Will/Roger Angell factor (the sum of pseudo-intellectual romanticizing per inning)
- Steroid-induced acne count
I just hope they can make these changes in time for Barry Bonds to break Hank Aaron's home run record. A sweetheart of a man like Bonds deserves every honor he earns.